My generation was growing up a couple of generations ago. At least, I think it was; it may be nosing up into three generations. I guess I could be a great-great grandmother by now, like Loretta Lynn, except I didn’t start having children in middle school.
Anyhow, as I remember, a bunch of my peers were ticked off at the older generation for their lies and hypocrisy. Of course, my generation liked to lie and be hypocrites, too; they just did it about other things.
Supposedly, after the Kennedy assassination, the government became more transparent- which of course, is a lie-but the breakdown of suburban family secrets began with the live taping of the Loud family in the Seventies.
Like so many names, their last name was prophetic, as you can see for yourself every time you turn on Dr. Phil or some other show where families ‘work’ out their problems at the top of their lungs.
Since the Loud documentary, we’ve been treated to every skanky secret of every skanky person on both coasts, and each side of the Mason Dixon line. These secrets are revealed on every blog, social media wall, and afternoon talk show.
People my age were sick of the duplicity of society’s rules. Families were supposed to maintain a facade of ‘normalcy’, which changed from family to family, but existed within the parameters of what was acceptable by most people.
This is still true when alcohol abuse, domestic abuse, drug addictions, and where Mommy gets her discount shoes, are normal occurrences in a family.
At least until one of the kids grows up and writes a memoir. Then, all bets are off.
The regular hypocrisies were the usual litany of any family. Whatever the gender of your children, you wanted them to choose a path in life, sexually and financially, that society deemed appropriate.
Parents were happy to live in suburbia; carpooling their kids, playing bridge, talking about inanities, and being faithful to their spouses. Women wanted nothing more than to be homemakers, at least according to their publicists.
With the encroachment of the internet on the private lives of just about everybody, unless you knew how to live completely off the grid, privacy started going the route of the dodo bird.
Today’s young people care very little about privacy. Whether this makes a person less of a hypocrite than the rest of us, I’m not sure.
Hypocrisy implies that you are presenting a face or belief to the world that is untrue. Well, there’s an application for Facebook that lets you post a ‘girlfriend’ that doesn’t exist.
Openness and honesty between nations and people, hmm?
A policy of openness between people has benefits. This policy led to the formation of Alcoholics Anonymous and a myriad of other support groups.
When people in the same boat, with the same problem (namely when and where they can get their next toot) talk to each other, it gives them a sense of community, and reduces their sense of isolation.
Whatever has happened to you, has happened to someone else. It creates a feeling of security and a bond of mutual helpfulness.
There are benefits to keeping information private. Sometimes, there’s just too much information flowing between people. There should only be one or two people with whom you share intimate confidences.
It may be your mom, or a best friend, but they should be the only recipients of your deepest concerns, issues, problems. This person may even be a counselor, which I think is smart.
If a counselor is tempted to tattle your secrets, then they’ll probably change your name.
Therapists can retain a detachment not possible with a friend, who may ratchet up your fight with your husband or boyfriend, or tell you to kick them to the curb, which is where they belong sometimes.
An unaffiliated bystander may not have experienced what you’re experiencing, but hopefully they won’t steer you in the direction of violent emotion, or unconsidered decisions.
If the secrets you impart are traumatic, or are heinous crimes and deeds you committed, your friend may not know what to do with that information. It can change the way they look at you forever.
If you have changed for the better, and put your past behind you-a natural place for it to be, by the way-what benefit is served when you confess your past sins?
If you wanted to get a trespass against your friend off your chest, what should they do with this information?
Should they store it away, forget about it, try to do something about it? And if so, what should they do? Too much information can be a burden.
Whatever you tell the friend of today, who may not be a friend tomorrow, goes with that person.
I’m not saying to never trust anyone completely, but I’ve had friends who were college roommates, friends I met through work, people I thought would be friends forever, but who didn’t cherish the friendship.
They found new friends and dumped the old, or they moved and couldn’t be bothered.
Remember, these ‘friends’ will know what you shared with them, forever. Sort of like putting it on the internet, or writing that memoir.
The post Just Between You and Me: How Much Information is Too Much? appeared first on Chez Gigi.
